Author: robinsquick

Marriage is wonderful, and a lot of hard work. Then you add kids and you think you are a rockstar because you can keep another human alive. But then, you co-parent a teenager and pray every day that you are doing more good than harm. AND, you pray that if you manage to raise a kid, or two, that you can even recognize your spouse, (yourself?) somewhere in the middle, let alone at a kid’s high school graduation.

How do you apologize to a human that you love so much but had no experience to raise? Where do you find the words to speak to your spouse at a high school graduation when 18 years have gone by in a blink?

Here is what (very little) I know: learn from the failures, never stop holding on to the ones you love (even when you can’t even like them), and surround yourself with your people. You will know your people when you see them, they are 1) the ones with more faith in you than you ever have in yourself, 2) the ones who grab you by the chin, tilt your face up and say, “you’ve got this, dear one” and 3) the ones who love your husband and your sons when you have no idea how you can.

It takes a village to raise a woman into a wife and mother, a man into a husband and a father, and to raise a child to the man that God has created him to be. Here is to my village, whether you have passed through for a moment, a season or a lifetime. I am grateful for all of God’s gifts by the way of blessings, trials and exhales.

The Wall of Remembrance lists the names of those men and women killed while on active duty between September 11, 2001 and September 11, 2011. The members of the Wando Football team were asked to serve as honor guards at each panel. Joe and I are proud that Brady was anxious to show up.

On Thursday, May 24, Ryan checked out of Wando High School. He had finished all of his exams and was cleared to graduate on June 1. This journey of public school that began in August 2005 has come to an end.

Ryan’s first day of Kindergarten in August 2005

This kid in a Wando jersey is a big deal for me. It’s a long story so you will want to make yourself comfortable.Here is a timeline for Brady Philip Quick:

• born October 11, 2002.
• Because I was of “advanced maternal age” (35) when he was born I had a 4D ultrasound
• In June 2002 we saw on the ultrasound that Brady only had 4 toes on his left foot and a birth defect called fibular hemimelia (congenital shortening of the fibula bone). 4 toes seemed like the end of the world to us, anything short of “normal” was abnormal, cue the freaked out parents. We wondered if Brady would walk, and if there would be any limitations.
• Among other things I visited the priest, Ted McNabb, at the church we had just joined, Christ Church. Father Ted listened to me explained what was going on and that I hadn’t been enough of a church attendee in the recent past so I felt unworthy of asking God for help. Father Ted looked at me quizzically at first and then said, “You don’t get it. If this child is your way to God then truly he is a gift from God.” He had me talk to Sara Ray who put Brady and me on the prayer list. From that point on, Brady was being prayed for mightily by the Daughters of the King and beyond.
• We had seen a specialist about what to expect when Brady was born. Dr Stanitski was rude and offensive and I refused to go back to talk to them.
• We went to a different pediatric orthopedist and he did a lot to help me prepare for Brady’s birth, the point where we had Dr. Rick Reed on standby in case Brady needed corrective surgery immediately.
• October 11, 2002 Brady was born at East Cooper Hospital. His foot did not require a cast or corrective surgery. Answered prayer, thank you Lord.
• Brady was, very much, a typical kid. I will never forget watching him crawl up the back stairs. Kit Rice was watching next to me an said, “Brady doesn’t have a regular leg and a special leg, but a regular (left) leg and a super (right) leg.
• Through a curious and divine series of connections we came to know about Dr. John Herzenberg at the Rubin Institute of Advanced Orthopedics. When Brady was 4 months old he, Ryan and I survived a blizzard road trip with Megan, were snowed in at Jorie’s for a week with my entire family and then finally met with Dr Herzenberg.
• Dr Herzenberg sketched out the future for Brady – limb lengthening surgeries with external fixators. The most important thing he told me was to let Brady have a normal life and he’d see us in a year.
• When he was about a year old Brady started walking and I was thrilled and proud and caught off guard. A stranger we were with called Brady “gimpy” because that’s what he was. The Mama Lion came out on me, and with one swipe of my sharpened tongue, I took his head off. Not only that, I chewed him up and spit him out. It was over a year of holding my breath (would Brady walk?) that came out in one exhale and I immediately regretted it. No fruits of the spirit there. And I embarrassed our best friends Cindy and Ashley who were our hosts.

Dear People of the Lowcountry,

I love my adopted state of SC, but you learn quickly that those marsh views you love are brought to you from the vantage point of bridges. There are not back ways when you live in the land of the creeks. When a bridge is closed everyone is screwed.

When I lived in Chicago I’d no sooner expect to drive from my doorstep, downtown on Mohawk Street, to my place of employment but at least there was mass transit as an option.

My family lived in Westfield, NJ during the oil embargo and “shortage” of gasoline in the 1970s. My dad commuted to Manhattan then, and they made a rule (passed a law?) that no vehicle could enter Manhattan with fewer than 3 passengers. My dad was forced to carpool and it cut substantially the number of cars traveling into and out of NYC at the time. How ballsy would it be if they imposed this for the Ravenel Bridge right now? Or what about a toll?

Carpooling is not convenient, but we have the opportunity to reduce the number of cars on the roads. If there is a bus that will take your kids to school put them on it. If the bus is not an option please try to squeeze as many people as possible into the same vehicle going the same direction and adjust your schedule. How many people who live in Mt Pleasant commute to Blackbaud or Boeing or MUSC alone? Buses or vans or anything would help. Not even talking about the reduction of pollution here.

I know, easy for me to say as I work 2 miles from home and can even work from home if necessary. But let’s not waste a crisis (which we are in the midst of) and go back to our old, lazy ways when the crisis is over.

By the way, my dad and his carpool of the 1970s continued on after the restrictions were lifted back 40+ years ago. Is the Lowcountry going to emerge from this crisis for the better?

Yeah, I don’t think so either. But I really love that Long Point Road is back to having 2001 numbers of cars on it, even if just for a few weeks. If you are “from off” and can’t muster a good attitude right now then perhaps you aren’t a good fit in the Lowcountry.

Bless your hearts.

Ah the joys of momming a man child, said no mom ever. Honestly I am trying hard to find the balance of setting boundaries, enforcing rules and implementing consequences while AT THE SAME TIME giving 15-year old Brady independence to make mistakes so that he learns by experience and not by theoretical knowledge.

For years Brady has driven his grandfather’s all-terrain utility vehicle when we are at the mountain house. He started slowly and cautiously and then got bolder and bolder. His partially formed frontal lobe had him going faster and faster, gaining more confidence with every lap. Then we were all down at the waterfall, we had taken one last trip down before hitting the road back home. On the way down I expressed my concerns about Brady’s overconfidence to Joey, saying, “Remember our rule? That our kids won’t get hurt because of a lack of good parenting.” I just had a feeling.

Joey and I were in the Jeep, and Ryan and Brady in the Mule, when it started to rain really, really hard. My chivalrous man wanted to get me back to the house as fast as possible so he took off heading back up the mountain leaving Ryan to drive the mule back. The last thing I saw before the boys were out of sight was Ryan switching places with Brady.

What happened next is that Brady took off in the Mule following Joey in the Jeep but wasn’t able to catch up. An inexperienced 14-year old should not have been driving up the mountain in the rain, and he skidded on wet rocks and flipped the Mule onto himself while Ryan was able to jump off. Brady looked up the hill and watched the Jeep round the corner out of sight, while his arm was pinned under the roll bar. Ryan took one look at Brady and ran straight up the hill after us, screaming and trying to catch us. Faithful Lily started after Ryan but then turned back and stayed with Brady when she heard his cries.

Joey and I reached the house soaking wet and laughing and waiting to hear the Mule behind us but all we heard was the rain. One of our cell phones missed a call from Brady because of terrible cell service. I went upstairs to clean up and Ryan burst into the house telling Joey that the Mule has flipped onto Brady. Joey jumped into the Jeep to head down the mountain and I came downstairs to see what was going on. Hearing the story from Ryan, telling me Brady was definitely hurt, I grabbed a bunch of towels and took off running down the mountain.

I remember how quiet it was not riding in a vehicle, the sound of the rocks and mud under my feet while I slipped down the steep embankment. I heard the Jeep before I saw it, and was relieved that they were on their way back. The determination and panic on Joe’s face and the agonizing look of pain on Brady’s face gave me the information I needed, it was not good. I climbed into the back of the Jeep trying to stabilize Brady so that the ride back up the mountain wouldn’t be so excruciating, but it was pretty excruciating anyway.

When we got to the house it was clear that Brady needed to go to the ER. I was dry-ish so we loaded Brady into my car and I took off to the hospital. I was upset but calm and focused, and my feeling was that Joey was pretty frantic. Joe cleaned himself up and took his Dad’s car to meet us at the hospital, about 20 miles away.

Before I was even off the property I called my tribe for prayer, or maybe I voice texted. Brady was crying in pain next to me and I was praying out loud to him. He was freaking out that Joey wasn’t with us, which I get. I was driving as fast as possible, hazards on and avoiding bumps as much as possible. It is never fun to see your child in such pain, especially as a result of an accident.

Once at Watauga Medical Center in Boone I pulled into the ER. I ran in and asked for some help getting Brady out of the car and the person at the desk called someone. Back out at my car waiting for help it seemed to me that Brady was possibly going into shock, his color was getting a little green and he was shivering and less responsive to me. I went back in asking for help and again the girl made a call. I was becoming even more agitated and could not believe I was bring ignored at an EMERGENCY ROOM. An older nurse came out with a wheelchair and I knew she had no hope of transferring Brady out of the car. Once again I went in asking for help for my son who had just been in an accident had broken bones. Finally a nurse came out who was able to get Brady into the wheelchair with my help, just as Joey came flying into the parking lot.

The people in the ER, once we got there, were good. The PA took charge, asking us questions. I tend to be the communicator in these kind of (medical) situations. Brady was in such bad pain that they talked about what they were going to give him for the pain. I mentioned my concern about the potential for opioid addiction resulting from the use of Fentynal in the hospital. The PA looked at me and said, “Ma’am, he has a severely broken arm.” I told I remained concerned but told them to do what they needed to do. Joey and Brady were furious that I went there.

But I had one chance to make my concerns heard and I did not want to miss an opportunity.

Full disclosure so that FB isn’t just a highlight reel:

Our 23rd anniversary is sweet because neither of us has wanted to quit at the exact same time. Plenty of hard stuff and hanging on by the fingernails is the reality. If you have a marriage that didn’t or won’t make it please know that there is not failure in that.

My 18 year old ADHD teenager rolled his eyes when I bought him a 20lb weighted blanket to help with anxiety, but I watched him love everything about it when I put it on him. It’s the real deal.

I am heavily burdened for those whom I love who are experiencing loss or pain or illness or struggle, but the burden is one of privilege in being able to share life with others. If you have a burden please share it with me or someone else.

I know a lot of great men, including my dad and husband, but the support of women who love me empowers in a completely different way, like in rock climbing when you clip in to each other. If you are a woman who needs support, find a woman to support and clip in. I’m here for you and have lots to of carabiner space because I’m clipped in to the all powerful, wonderful Counselor and mighty God.

When receiving a note home from your kid’s teacher the best response is “Thank you for letting me know. I fully support whatever discipline or consequences you deem necessary. Please be assured that there will be consequences at home.”

People checking you out at the grocery store/ Starbucks/DMV will ALWAYS try to make eye contact. The next time you blow them off think of what a missed opportunity that was.

That is all.

In December 2005 I began a blog in order to chronicle the limb lengthening process the Brady and our family was about to undertake. Here is the link: http://quickfamily.blogspot.com/2005_12_01_archive.html

As I go back over it the memories of specifics come back, but I find it all so ingrained in my memory that there really aren’t any surprises. Reading my words written so long ago take my heart back to that time: a time with a 3 and 5 year old, instead of a 12 and 15 year old; married 10 years instead of nearly 20; and at a place in my faith and in my life which I have since left behind.

I thank God for all of it, every.little.bit of it. It is the details of my life which have taken me to where I am now – a 48 year old woman who is powerful because of her knowledge of who God created her to be, and a woman who has figured out that Quicks Don’t Quit.